Mama Moments - It's A New World For Both Of Us

Motherhood, parenting, first time mum, parent

Becoming a mamma is an eye opening new world.
Everyone told me becoming a parent is wonderful but tough. It's not until I found myself at home alone after the Mr went back to work that I truly understood how tough.

Being alone with this little person who depended on me for everything was a huge shock to the system. I wanted to tell him I wasn't scared and that I had it all under control, but I didn't. I was terrified of being left alone with this tiny person. The love I have for him is beyond anything I could ever imagine but so was the sense of responsibility. It was almost a crushing weight. Things were hard enough while the Mr was on paternity leave, at least then I had my team mate and an extra pair of hands to help out. Now it was just me. Who was going to bring me tea, grab a nappy when I was disorganised or encourage me with breastfeeding? 

As I sat there on that first morning (after a sleepless night) looking into my baby's unfathomable eyes I realised (a bit late I know) this was what I signed up for this was the life I chose. Yes it's hard, harder than anything I've ever done in my life but I asked for it, actively wanted it, It's mine. So the only option was to find a way through for all our sakes. I wish I could say after my internal pep talk I pulled my big girl pants up and got on with things. Well I didn't, after my internal talk I cried.  I'd spent the first two weeks postpartum crying at the silliest of things. There may have even been an incident that involved spillt milk on a new carpet followed by water works on my part. Now I had something of substance to cry about. I was scared. Scared of getting it wrong and intimidated by the weight of responsibility. 

There hasn't been a magic moment where everything just clicked and fell into place. I'm hoping that moment is to come. Instead I quite littery put one foot in front of the other and took baby steps. Just like my little man this is a whole new world, I'm learning along with him. As he discovers how to smile, see's his mama's face properly, takes in all the new smells and sensations he is taking brave steps into this new world.  I too am seeing the things in a whole new way by getting to know him and all his quirks has been so rewarding, watching him grow makes me smile from the inside out. In the last 8 weeks there have been so many lessons learnt. The biggest has been to trust in myself and my judgment as his mama. Believing that I really do know what's best for him and I am able to meet his (demanding) needs. 

Yes it's hard, the hardest thing I've ever done but it's so worth it. Being his mama is a badge I ware with pride. 

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